Today’s Beautifully You story comes from Micah:
After being a stay-at-home Mom for 13 years to 3 wonderful children, I had recently began to dream of what it would mean to send my youngest off to school, and finally start pursuing my own dreams.
I had planned for some time on either going back to school or becoming a personal trainer once my youngest started school. Little did I know that while I had started planning my life with school age children, the truth was that I was actually pregnant for the 4th time.
When I found out that I was pregnant, I was overwhelmed with emotions. This wasn’t a part of the plan I had envisioned, how could I have let this happen? The questions kept coming.
I struggled with these feelings for weeks until my husband finally decided It was time to tell our kids. Of course they were overjoyed that I was having another baby. And as their excitement grew, the emotions that I had been experiencing up until that moment slowly began to melt away.
Unfortunately the excitement was short lived as I woke several nights later to my worst fear come true. I was having a miscarriage.
I began to feel angry. Why would God allow me to get pregnant if He knew this would happen? As I processed through losing a baby that I hadn’t planned on, my cousin, at the same time was having a baby boy of her own. I have to admit I had mixed emotions. She had been struggling with a drug addiction for some time, and I was the healthiest I had ever been. And my pregnancy was the one that ended in a miscarriage.
I was in rough place , a place of isolation, darkness and sadness. I was searching for scriptures and inspirational things to help me through this time. It was during this time that I saw a saying that stuck with me,
“Sometimes God doesn’t change your situation, because He wants to change your heart”
I knew I had a choice. I could become bitter and stew in the anger, or I could say “God I don’t understand, and this all doesn’t’ make sense but I trust in You and Your promises”. I didn’t always feel like it but I trusted that He had a purpose in my journey… and slowly I began to heal.
6 months has passed. And as I was walking out my healing, I received the news that the same cousin who had previously had a baby boy, had been arrested for drugs. The baby and his brother would need someone to step up and give them a home, or they would become property of the state.
I knew I had to do something, so with my husband’s agreement, I agreed to take them in for a year.
Before my miscarriage I had MY plan for my life. If I would have had my baby I know I wouldn’t have had the space in my home or heart to take on 2 more kids along with the 4 I would have already had.
It was then I remembered the saying that stuck with me through my miscarriage. God was wanting to change my heart, break me of my self absorbed thinking and living out MY plan.
These kids needed someone to love them, someone to break the cycle of insanity in their world. And 19 months later, I still have them.
I still have times where I get angry, disappointed, and feel like it’s just too hard to deal with. That is when I realize I’m focusing on the struggle, the here and now, the temporary situation.
There are times I have to shut out all the thoughts in my head and close my eyes and open my heart and just say here I am God, and here is my heart. The truth is that I only fail when I quit, when I give up. And I won’t.
God never promised things would be easy but He did promise to bring us through it and not only to bring us through, but give us the strength to do so.