Today’s Beautifully You story comes from Sara:
St. Patrick’s Day 2017 marks one of the hardest days my husband and I have ever faced.
I remember sitting in our doctors’ office listening to the ultrasound technician tell us that our 14-week-old baby no longer had a heartbeat.
I could feel this anger so fierce rising up inside of me. I calmly stated that I didn’t accept it, I had seen my God do impossible things before, and I believed He could breathe life back into our baby.
I know it sounds insane but people in love do crazy things…
In that week following we asked our family and close friends to stand in faith with us to bring little baby back to us. As I carried around my lifeless baby on the inside of me, the Holy Spirit gently and clearly began working in me what trusting Him truly looked like.
He showed me a glimpse of what things look like from eternity’s perspective. And showed me that sometimes it takes more faith to release something, or in this case someone, then to believe in “faith” that you will get what you want.
What made this revelation so incredibly miraculous,among many other things, was that an hour after my husband and I let him go, I started having contractions. I went into labor, and in doing so the doctors were able to remove our baby in one piece as opposed to having to dismember him.
They confirmed he was a boy which is what we had asked God for. We named him Anthony as it means “priceless” and that is what he is to us. I believe with my entire heart that God gave him a choice, and he chose to stay in heaven. I could literally see this conversation happening with the Father.
God said that Anthony IS a special little boy and he HAS a purpose in His kingdom. Honestly I didn’t blame him for choosing to stay, the pain was all on our end. But I reminded myself that there is no concept of time in heaven. so to him, seeing us today or 70 years from now would make no difference in eternity. And through this painful peace,my husband and I grew closer together as a couple, as a family and to the Holy Spirit.
We didn’t make up a “reason” this had to happen, and we still believe that death is unacceptable, but this is what we know and stand by. GOD IS GOOD. That’s it…
Jesus said heal the sick, raise the dead, prophesy life. We believe all that He says to be true.
We know that faith is the currency of heaven and what we have sown in the supernatural has already and will continue to direct the natural.
Knowing that I’m not the only woman to lose a baby, I want to share with you some things through this journey that have helped us tremendously in our grieving process:
• We wrote down all the impossible things we have seen God do
• We planted a small garden (there is something healing about watching things grow)
• We did a balloon release with my family and wrote messages to little Anthony on the balloons (our kids and my niece and nephew included, it was super important to include them as they were effected as well)
• My mom, because she’s’ brilliant, suggested we take a trip. We took a trip to Niagra Falls as there was also something amazing about seeing the Creator’s handiwork in such a magnificent way. Truly gave us all peace.
• We created a Shutterfly Scrapbook (btw Shutterfly is awesome!) to honor the memory and never forget what God brought us though
• I wrote a FB post. Yep I said it, a FB post normally not my thing but honestly it was a huge relief to be able to write out what happened because sometimes you just need human grace and compassion; not have to go back to reality to the million inevitable questions such as “how many weeks you have left?” or “did you guys find out gender yet?” It’s just a super awkward conversation that no one wants to have after the death of a child and then when they find out you’ve lost the baby it just gets worse.
• Finally my parents graciously took our kiddos for a night for us to get away just the two of us. Gervasi Vineyards in Canton, OH was absolute medicine for the heart, mind and soul. Their motto is “Celebrate Life” You can’t get much more appropriate than that.
All of that to say everyone grieves differently but you must make a conscious effort to acknowledge and work through pride and pain or it will destroy you. Partnering with the Holy Spirit is key.
The love, favor, gifts, support and kindness we received from family, friends, co-workers and strangers was overwhelmingly amazing and played a huge part in the grieving process. Our entire view of life, faith, and finding the beauty in the journey has been turned upside down and His way up. There is a freedom in letting go and trusting the process because no matter what we go through here…God always has been and always will be GOOD.