So what happened?

So what actually happened to me and what is happening… About two years ago before giving birth to Iyla I was sitting at the dinner table and suddenly felt a numbing sensation on my tongue. If you’ve ever been pregnant or known someone pregnant then you know that pregnancy makes literally everything “normal”. I read some info online but wasn’t too concerned because numbness is actually something that can occur toward the end of pregnancy, so I decided I would tell my baby doc but then give myself a chance to have Iyla and let my body recover. Once Iyla was here life was turned upside down and there was hardly time to think about a shower let alone a little tingle in my jaw. Fast forward roughly 8 or 9 months and I had begun having strange bouts of dizziness in addition to this growing numbness. Again, life was so hectic I really didn’t give it too much thought. I was a new mom with a lot of new responsibilities at work and was just probably stressed out. I’m not a good stress person …. I’m the person in denial about their stress until they’re laid up for a couple of days because their body finally gets the message across … That’s me. By the time I finally thought about making a doctor appointment to have it checked out I realized that I needed something else first … A pregnancy test … BINGO … I was pregnant with Maelie. I thought, ok I’m still numb, but that explains the dizziness… And so I went on with pregnancy number two. I know it must sound bad that I ignored all of these signs … But that’s just life. You’re caught up, you’re going a million miles a minute and you’re “fine”. And so I thought I was. It wasn’t until I was around 6 or 7 months pregnant with Maelie that I decided that enough was enough and I needed to see someone about me. I made an appointment with a doctor who examined me for all of 5-10 minutes and decided she wanted an MRI done once Maelie was born so that she could check for MS. MS? Really? She knew me five minutes and was jumping to conclusions. That’s how I felt anyway … So I left, told Jonah about it and told him if it didn’t go away once she was born that I would do it. Well Maelie came Sept. 15th and a month later I decided to keep to my word and just get the dumb thing done. My doc didn’t even want to see me again. She ordered the test straight away and literally a couple days later I was lying in the MRI machine. Before my test I was in the restroom just getting ready for what I was about to do. I was standing in the mirror and I heard the Lord say, “This is the beginning of the end of this”. God is so good and I felt immediately grateful and confident so away I went to get scanned. That was that and at least it was done! The next day I called my doctors office to ask if they’d received results and my nurse said the results were there but the doc was out sick so I’d have to wait of course till Monday … So I got off the phone and told Jonah id just have to wait the weekend to hear that nothing was wrong. About ten-twenty minutes later my phone rings and it was a blocked call. I never pick those up but considering the circumstances I decided that day was a good day to make an exception. It was my doctor … Calling out of the office sick to give me my results … As you can imagine I really wasn’t excited. I’ll give it to her because she said, “well let me tell you what it’s not first, it’s not cancer and it’s not MS”. As you can imagine that was a strange but welcomed way to start the conversation. What it was, was a 3 cm mass on my brain stem and inner ear nerves, an Acoustic Neuroma. Basically it’s an overgrowth of a certain kind of cell that covers your inner ear and balance nerves. She referred me immediately to the best doctor she knew who had knowledge of these types of tumors and gave me the worst advice possible … look it up. Don’t ever look anything up on the internet ever … It’s always certain doom. So I did … More in shock than anything I told Jonah and we just decided, well ok, we know what it’s not and that’s good news so we’ll just take on what it is and get it taken care of. Within a week I had seen two specialists and had several more tests run. The recommendation was surgery for removal. The chances of retaining my hearing on the right side would be 0% and the goal would be facial nerve preservation. It was so much to think about but that was the only option. These tumors only grow so continued growth would only mean further damage and lead to a more urgent extraction. So Jonah and I kept believing for total healing and set up the November 30 surgery date. It all happened so quickly that I never felt I was ready to “share” about what was happening, or supposedly going to happen. I really didn’t have a good handle on it myself let alone answer anyone else’s questions. My first belief in the matter is that Jesus is Lord … And that He can do anything. Our confession was that this tumor would dissolve and no surgery would be necessary, and if it were necessary then we would believe God was in complete control. So November 30th came and off to the hospital I went. I’ll write about the hospital another time. Right now I’m trying to wash the memory from my mind and body. The doctors were amazing and did what they set out to do. My 8 hour surgery turned into a 13 hour surgery and I cannot imagine what my husband and family were going through. The news at the end of the day was that tumor is gone forever! The great news is that my facial nerves were not damaged but had experienced “tiring” throughout the surgery process. My nerve had been freed from a tumor that my doctors estimated had been there for 15 years. So here I am now … No tumor and no smile. I’m in the healing process and having to be extremely patient with myself. The one thing though I cannot be patient with is my thought life. Currently I’m fighting thoughts continually that this won’t get better, but I KNOW that’s not my portion. The best advice I can give now being on the other side of a brain tumor is NEVER let anything with your health go. Please, please, please. You are too important to ignore signs that your body is trying to give you. I know we are all busy and don’t feel like we have the time for “us”, but that’s a lie! If you don’t have time for you, then you don’t have time for anything. I know someone reading this is thinking of some strange symptom going on. Please have it checked out. If you have to find a doctor and wait 3 months, do it, you’re worth it. As for me, now I wait for things to start to get better. But for everything I hate, I can’t imagine what would have happened to me if I would have kept ignoring things.

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