Home Again

Hello all … I wanted to update everyone and say thank you for all the prayer and encouragement while I was in the hospital. I can definitely say that this last stay in the hospital (which will be the last time I ever stay in a hospital… Seriously) is something I have no idea how people do. Outside of my girls births I’ve never needed to be admitted … While I obviously am extremely grateful for the amazing care I received, my goal is to continue to be as healthy as possible to hopefully never have to go back. I’ve been doing a lot of sleeping and laying around. I got my stitches out of my head today and went and saw an eye doctor yesterday. Yesterday’s visit was so overwhelming and so exhausting… It felt like starting over again. It was hard to sit in the car, I was dizzy, things were blurry and I was exhausted. I really was getting somewhere before and so to feel so weak all over again was pretty hard. I had a good breakdown with Jonah … I suddenly felt on our way home like I could be stuck this way forever. Stuck tired and dizzy and half face not working. It’s a really awful feeling … Honestly I haven’t done an update because I’ve felt so bipolar from moment to moment and everyone has been so wonderful to me that I just want to seem “strong” and “getting better” every day. I definitely am getting better, I’m just trying to feel less tired everyday which seems a little of a struggle. As far as eating goes I lost more weight this last time at the hospital but have been able to pretty much eat anything I want since being home. Part of the break down or “defect” if you will that happened with this fluid and infection was aided by the fact that I need meat on my bones. There are far more sad things than eating unlimited amounts of ice cream so don’t feel bad for me on that front. Other than that the eye doctor was uneventful… Since I had another surgery we just need to wait to see what my facial muscle does over time. I have some more appointments coming up in another week that I’ll be sure to post about. Right now my goal is to go to dinner with Jonah in another week. Sounds like a small goal but it would be huge … And I try to remember I was moving this direction before … I can do it again. I’ve been asking God a lot what what is on the other side of this whole thing. I don’t have any answer right now but I really hope that I’ll be able to help someone someday who has to face any kind of similar circumstances. Before this episode I was doing a lot of writing, once I feel up to it I’ll start writing again … I just want to say thank you again for all the encouragement along the way. Jonah is my hero and does literally anything to help me feel better and feeling like an important part of his life and the girls. Obviously my mom and Jonah’s parents haven’t left my side for very long through any of this and I just feel so lost for words to thank people. Every time I think about the Go Fund Me account I cry. The help people have given us has floored us more than we can articulate… We’ve been able to take care of so many things and the things that we know are still on their way. There is not a greater group of people that exist … Seriously anywhere … I’m so honored, so, so honored. I really hope to be able to thank you all some way, some how … I’ll start posting pictures again in the next few weeks, I have to get comfortable with my face again. I know I’ll get there and everyone has been so encouraging… Thank you for taking this trip with me … Again…

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